‘The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.’ ~Ayn Rand
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Nearly everything I’ve ever believed or thought or lived has been the complete opposite of Rand’s sentiment. There have been times when I would have given my left eyeball to understand that kind of freedom.
Let me say here, that I do think rules are inherently good. I feel safe knowing where the boundaries lie. I’m not talking about freedom from the laws of the land or from biblical principals. I am talking about the unspoken ones, or the silly ones, or the ones that breathe burden instead of life into us.
As I’ve mentioned a time or twenty, I am a rule follower by nature. I love me some rules. And because I love the rules, I find that much of my life I have been standing around waiting for permission. Waiting for someone to tell me that who I am and what I do, feel, think is okay. For me, the question has always been ‘who is going to let me?’
That kind of question leads to a life that fits very neatly into a tidy little box. It looks pretty on the outside, but on the inside is a tangled mess of unfulfilled dreams and desires. I have lived that life. I have tried to look, behave and sound like the girl I thought I should be, instead of simply being honest about who I really am.
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I have been the girl who taught Sunday school because it was the ‘right’ thing to do, when to tell the truth, I don’t really like other people’s kids. I have been the girl who became a nurse because it was ‘something to fall back on’, when I don’t like the practice of medicine and I have an extreme aversion to wiping adult backsides. I have denied my love for writing and beauty and art because they aren’t practical, I have put chores before my children, and I have solidly refused to step outside my comfort zone again and again and again.
On the outside, I looked very good, but on the inside I was carrying the weight of being someone God never created me to be. He made me for freedom. He made me free to discover who I am outside of that pretty little box, even when who I am sometimes looks messy. He is the answer to the question ‘Who is going to let me?’
I am free to imagine, to create, to dream because these are the things that God knit into my being. He speaks to my heart who I am: His Beloved. He calls me what I am: Redeemed. And He reminds me what He gives: Freedom.
Tomorrow we’ll talk about you. What are some areas that you feel you need to find freedom? I’d love to hear from you in the comments.
