“Lord, why can’t I follow you now? I will lay down my life for your sake.” Peter’s passionate declaration on the night of the last supper now rang false in his own ears. The words had taken residence inside him after the night of Jesus’ arrest. They were an accusation of his own making.
In a fit of fear and anger, he’d cut the ear off of Malchus in the garden when they arrested Jesus, and now his own ears betrayed him. If only he could cut them off and be free of the reminder of his own weakness. He could hear nothing but himself saying “I’ll lay down my own life. I’ll lay down my own life” While his mouth steadily denied ever knowing Jesus.
Running Away
He’d cursed and sworn at the last man who challenged him, then as the rooster crowed for the second time, his passion dissolved into angry tears. After three years of travelling dirt roads by foot and sleeping on the rooftops of strangers, three years of eyes given sight and the dead breathing life, three years of walking, sleeping, serving beside the Master—his own words of denial clattered out of his mouth, like shaken cymbals—A lifelong instinct for self-preservation.
Shame, the white-hot flame that burns up everything noble and true was lit inside Peter that evening. There is no record of him at the crucifixion. Instead, we find John the beloved and a handful of the most faithful women keeping vigil at the cross. Perhaps Peter stood in the shadows, perhaps he ran away in shame. We can’t know for certain, but when we meet Peter again, he is running. Not running away but running towards.
Running towards
His legs turned over like wheels and the dirt stirred like a cloud, as he and John raced to the empty tomb. The force of his run took his breath away. He panted as he stooped to enter and saw the shroud lying in a small heap. The run extinguished his shame. It was blown out by the greater truth that Jesus was no longer there.
The Dawn of Grace
The dawn of grace on resurrection morning had the power to heal the sins of the days before and everyday thereafter. Later, a risen Jesus appeared for the third time to his disciples on the shores of the Sea of Tiberias. When Peter saw him from far off, he plunged himself into the water and swam to shore, his passion restored. When Jesus asked him three times if Peter loved him, it must have stung his pride. Three times he’d denied knowing Jesus, now three times Jesus asked for more. In this way, with three affirmations of his love for the Lord, Peter was restored.
Even in his imperfection with a temperament ruled by deep passions, Peter was forgiven. His mistakes became another layer in the rock on which God built the future church. Like Peter, we receive the same grace that arrived with the dawn of resurrection morning. What would it look like to see our failures as a layer of learning, our shame as passion misdirected, and our love for Jesus a yes, yes, and yes again.
Click here to read Day One: John the Beloved.
Click here to read Day Two: Mother Mary.
[…] Click here to read Day Three: Peter the Passionate […]